Adoration Read online

  Sissy contemplated that. She tried to ignore the vague ache in the centre of her chest, and the urge to cry that came with it. Bravely, she squared her shoulders and turned her thoughts away from the endless days which stood out before her, cold and empty as the house.

  ‘Yes, I can,’ Sissy announced tipping her chin up and gazing defiantly at her relative. ‘There is no alternative for someone like me.’

  Her gaze fell tellingly to the outdated clothing Norma was wearing, which matched her own. The faded cuffs on their sleeves, the holes which had been repaired more than once all spoke of a make do and mend lifestyle which afforded little in the way of new clothing.

  ‘I wish things could be different,’ Norma whispered sadly.

  ‘My life is what it is,’ Sissy protested more sharply than she intended. ‘I see no reason to change it.’

  ‘But we could have gone to the ball,’ Norma offered.

  ‘So people can look at us and gossip?’ Sissy shook her head.

  ‘Does it matter what they think? We are hardly likely to see them again, are we?’

  ‘But I don’t see why I should go to provide fodder for the gossips,’ Sissy replied. ‘I don’t want to be invited because of Morgan’s sympathy for our impoverished circumstance.’

  There wasn’t much Norma could say to that. Slowly, she moved over to the dresser next to the back door and opened a drawer. Without saying anything, she removed the invitation and crossed the room to the fireplace.

  ‘No!’ Sissy cried just as Norma was about to throw it into the fireplace. But before she could snatch it out of Norma’s hand, Sissy hesitated. She knew that burning it was the best thing she could do just so she could forget about it but a part of her also wanted to keep it.

  ‘Are you expecting Maud?’ she asked her aunt when there was a loud knock on the front door.

  Norma shook her head. Sissy threw one last look at the invitation before she hurried into the sitting room and peered through the shutter. A gasp escaped her when she saw who it was. Darting out of sight, she turned to look at her aunt with wide eyes. Panic threatened to overwhelm her. Sissy began to shake with nerves. She felt cold, hot, fearful yet excited all at the same time. She wanted to run but she also was wildly thrilled.

  ‘Who is it?’ Norma cried as she watched Sissy dart this way and that, flapping her hands wildly in an uncharacteristic display of panic.

  ‘It’s him,’ Sissy hissed. ‘Lord Campton. M-Morgan.’

  ‘What?’ Norma blinked and stared at the neat and tidy room in horror.

  ‘What do we do?’ Sissy cried, doing her best to keep her voice low. ‘He is going to think we have slighted him when he sees that we are all right. We cannot say that we have forgotten all about it.’

  Norma’s wrinkled features adopted a mulish expression. She hurried to the stairs with an ease that belied her age and rushed upstairs. Halfway up she paused to glare at Sissy.

  ‘Wait until I am at the top and then answer the door,’ she hissed. ‘Tell him I am unwell and abed. I will stay out of sight until he has gone.’

  ‘But it isn’t appropriate for me to be alone with him,’ Sissy called softly.

  Norma paused to glare at her. ‘So don’t let him in then,’ she snapped before resuming her climb.

  ‘But I cannot leave him on the doorstep either.’ Sissy glared at the door when Morgan knocked again. The last thing she wanted was to yank it open and see him, but with Norma hurrying up the stairs she had to.

  ‘Coward!’ she called in disgust to her aunt.

  Contrarily, Norma threw her a smug look from the landing but promptly disappeared without saying anything leaving Sissy to reluctantly answer the door.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  ‘Sir.’ Heart pounding, Sissy immediately dipped into a curtsey and demurely lowered her gaze to the floor. She was sure that if their eyes met, he would be able to see her guilt and know that she was about to lie to him.

  Morgan bowed politely and eyed the empty room. ‘Is everything all right?’

  Sissy warned herself not to do it. She tried to think of some way she could absolutely avoid it, but she eventually had no choice and lifted her gaze off the floorboards beneath his boots. The second she looked into his eyes her stomach dropped to her toes and she began to feel that awfully familiar feeling burgeon to life deep within her chest.

  Dressed in his finery, Morgan was the epitome of handsomeness. His pristine appearance and striking good looks were captivating. Sissy struggled not to stare at him. Not least because when standing in her somewhat humble abode he seemed so out of place she wanted to cringe from the embarrassment of it. His entire demeanour bespoke of a wealth that far exceeded hers. He was indeed a million miles away from her on every level.

  I must remember that. No matter how handsome he is, Morgan doesn’t belong in my world.

  ‘Please, do come in,’ she murmured quietly as she stepped back to allow him inside. She was somewhat embarrassed at how plain and dowdy she appeared beside him.

  The room seemed to shrink in size when Morgan entered. At well over six feet in height, he had to duck his head to get into the room and seemed to make the room shrink in size. Sissy closed the door but was struck with an overwhelming need to step away from his overwhelming presence. It wasn’t that he posed any threat to her physically, but her peace of mind was in tatters.

  He does this to me every time I see him.

  While that sentiment ran through the back of Sissy’s thoughts, she couldn’t help but look at him again. She knew why he was there and owed him an apology.

  The sooner he has it the sooner he will leave and I can spend the rest of my evening even more miserable than I am now.

  ‘I am sorry for our awful lapse in manners,’ she began for want of anything else to say that would stop him staring at her. It was if he was trying to decide whether he should talk to her or not. ‘My aunt is not well, you see.’

  Morgan’s entire demeanour changed in an instant. In the place of the arrogant lord who had just entered, he became gentle and concerned. ‘Oh? What’s wrong? Would you like me to fetch the doctor?’

  Please, God, no. Now that would take some explaining, to the doctor if not Morgan.

  ‘No. She just needs to stay in bed. I am afraid she went outside and sat in the garden a little too long this afternoon and caught a chill. She will be fine. She just isn’t well enough to attend a ball right now,’ Sissy assured him.

  When she looked up, their gazes collided. Her heart began to pound. Sissy’s entire world shifted on its axis and left her struggling to know what to do or say. Most of the time, whenever she could get away with it, Sissy tried not to sound like a babbling idiot by retreating into silence people mistook for shyness. Tonight, she had to talk to him.

  Thank you, Aunt Norma.

  Sissy mentally cursed her aunt for leaving her to face the man alone. Despite the hurt Morgan’s presence caused her, Sissy used it as a reminder that she had to remember her station in life. It was so far beneath his she had to wonder why he bothered with them at all.

  ‘I am sorry that I haven’t notified your mother before now, but we have only just made the decision that Norma wasn’t well enough to attend,’ Sissy murmured quietly. ‘She was so looking forward to it as well.’

  ‘I am sure Mariette will understand,’ Moran murmured unconcernedly.

  It was telling that Norma didn’t make an appearance even though he was alone with Sissy. Unfortunately, Sissy looked about to run and hide although he couldn’t understand why. He hadn’t done anything to worry her or said anything that would offend her. In fact he was there to make sure she was all right. There was no need for her to be afraid of him, or nervous in his presence.

  But she is. She clearly is uncomfortable being around me.

  Morgan tried not to stare at her but even in a worn day dress, Sissy Finchley looked stunning – to him at least. He doubted some men in society would consider her wholesome good looks beautiful enough or worthy o
f note, but he did. He doubted many would be able to overlook her impoverished situation, but he didn’t care about any of that either.

  But unfortunately Sissy and others do care about both. It matters a lot to them, and that is one major hurdle not even I can overcome.

  ‘Well, if you are sure that she doesn’t need to see a doctor,’ Morgan murmured gently.

  He smiled when Sissy looked at him. In that moment that their eyes met, a connection formed. It didn’t slowly transform out of the heady atmosphere between them, it appeared instantly as if it had been hovering between them for a long time just waiting to be acknowledged. It charged the air and made them both move warily from one foot to the other. While their gazes slid away, they didn’t stay separated for long. A molten awareness began to build which made the atmosphere between them crackle with a soft tension; an acute sense of feeling that made everything more tangible. He felt more. Sensed more. Noticed more.

  Worried more.

  ‘You are welcome to join us anyway,’ he murmured gently. ‘The hour is still early. I can get you back home by midnight. I can go and fetch one of the maids to come and sit with your aunt and keep her company.’

  Sissy was already shaking her head before he had finished. She couldn’t think of anything she would dislike more. The thought of making a grand entrance on his arm made her want to retreat to her room and bolt the door so nobody could force her to do it. She knew it was a childish way to deal with the matter but the horror of having people study and assess her, and compare her against Morgan, was something that made her want to weep.

  ‘Aunt Norma needs me here,’ Sissy announced.

  ‘You are welcome to go, dear,’ Norma called from up the stairs.

  Sissy mentally cursed when she watched Morgan smile. Rather than accept as she strangely found herself wanting to do, Sissy pursed her lips and shook her head. ‘I am sorry, but I need to stay here. I cannot leave Norma seeing as she is not well.’

  Morgan knew she was refusing his invitation for a different reason but struggled to know what it was. While Sissy was friendly enough, there was a caution, a wariness about her that left him at a loss to know what to say. He rarely struggled to talk to women, but with Sissy he had no idea what he could do to ease the growing tension that began to build between them partly because his emotions were involved. It mattered to him that she had a good opinion of him.

  ‘Thank you for your invitation, my lord. It was very kind of you to call to check on us, especially when your attention is needed at home. We will, of course, send our apologies to your mother and sister. It was very lapse of us to not send word to you earlier.’ Sissy mentally winced. She knew she was rambling and forced herself to allow silence to settle between them.

  Morgan stepped a little closer. When he spoke, his voice was low and for her ears alone. ‘Come now, Sissy. We have known each other for years. There is no need for such formality, is there? You can call me Morgan.’

  Sissy looked shocked. In private she did call him Morgan, although would never dream of calling him by his first name in his presence. ‘Oh, but I couldn’t do that, sir. It wouldn’t be proper.’

  ‘But I want you to call me Morgan. Surely it would be improper of you to refuse me,’ he mused.

  But there is a very credible need for a lot of formality between us. It helps me keep some distance between us, he thought.

  Each time he looked at her and smiled at her the way he was doing now, the need to step closer was horribly tantalising even though Sissy knew it was wiser to step away. She knew it was foolish to allow her wayward imagination to even start to daydream that Morgan might be attracted to her. It was a preposterous notion. Morgan as her handsome hero who wanted a closer relationship with her was something out of her daydreams. It couldn’t possibly become a reality.

  Each book I read has him as a hero. The notion of us being together must remain as fictious as the books I read.

  Sissy had realised that at some time during the summer last year, when she had settled down to read a third book in rapid succession only for her mind to obstinately paint Morgan as the hero again. It was hopeless to try to envisage someone else as the hero in any novel she read.

  That is because Morgan is my hero.

  Sissy forced herself to focus on what he was saying but couldn’t withhold the sigh of longing that escaped her.

  ‘We are old family friends.’

  ‘My father knew yours, but my father has been passed on these seven years since,’ she whispered.

  Morgan frowned a little. It annoyed him that she felt the need to try to distance herself from their acquaintance. ‘Is everything all right?’

  ‘Of course. Like I have said, Aunt Norma has just caught a chill, that’s all. I am sure she will be fine in time,’ Sissy smiled, deliberately misunderstanding his question.

  ‘What about you? Are you well?’ Morgan had no idea why he kept trying to draw out the conversation when there really was nothing else he could say.

  ‘Yes, I am very well, thank you,’ Sissy murmured politely.

  Morgan stared at the sparse yet neat and tidy room. Two winged chairs beside the fireplace were matched with one long chaise between them. They were all careworn. A small battered table sat beside each of the chairs and on the floor was a threadbare rug. He knew that all of the truly expensive ornaments and furniture Sissy’s father had once owned had remained in the house. Her cousin, a rather arrogant fop called Charles, had inherited the house and the rest of the contents. Consequently, Sissy and her aunt had been forced to take up residence in this rather tiny house on the outskirts of the village and furnish it with threadbare castoffs.

  It’s a damned shame that she must live like this.

  He wanted to help her but was at a loss to know what to do that wouldn’t cause offense or draw their different situations into stark focus.

  ‘Come with me,’ he pleaded before he could talk himself out of it.

  ‘I can’t,’ Sissy whispered. ‘I am sorry but I don’t think it is a very wise thing to do.’

  Morgan sighed heavily. He had to wonder what had possessed him to put himself in this kind of situation. Nothing had really changed. It was painful to stand right before her and yet be so far apart.

  ‘Well, if you are sure, I shall take my leave of you then. Let me know if you need anything,’ he urged gently, trying to find some way of getting her to be at ease in his company.

  This was the first time he had spent any time alone with Sissy and he wanted it to last for as long as possible. He knew it was going to be a very long time before they were ever afforded such an event again, which made him hesitate when it came to leaving her.

  God, if only I knew how to change things I would.

  Completely at a loss to know what to do, Morgan bowed. He kept his gaze locked on hers, and silently willed her to look at him. When she did, he saw shadows and a caution in the warm brown of her eyes that made him frown.

  ‘There is more going on here, isn’t there?’

  ‘No,’ Sissy said firmly. She offered him a smile. ‘We just cannot attend your ball. I hope it is an enjoyable occasion for you, though. Please send our felicitations to your sister and mother.’ She lowered her gaze to the floor and dipped into a curtsey, as if making it clear that there wasn’t much else to say.

  Something deep within Morgan balked at the idea of just walking out. When everything within him was screaming at him not to do it, he stepped closer to her. The air between them crackled. It drew them closer. Looking down at her, Morgan knew he was in the right place, even though everything was completely wrong. Slowly, he picked up her hand in his and pressed a lingering kiss to the back of it. The second their fingers touched he heard her breath hitch. Her startled gaze flew up and collided with his. A wealth of hidden meaning hovered between them; unspoken words; unacknowledged feelings; all hovered tantalisingly close yet out of reach.

  ‘I will bid you a good night,’ he murmured huskily.

  Sissy n
odded jerkily. Her breath was released in one long whoosh of air when she realised that she had been holding it. Her heart hammered wildly in her chest and her fingers burned where he had held them. She clenched her fist and wanted to cup the back of her hand to preserve the warmth there. Quietly, she followed him to the front door and stared avidly at him as he stalked out of her house.

  The second he stepped across the threshold the man Morgan had been a moment ago disappeared. In his place was the steady stride, broad shoulders, and arrogant demeanour of the man that he truly was, the Lord of the manor. He didn’t look back but for that Sissy could only be grateful because he couldn’t then see the tears hovering in her eyes.

  Sissy studied the closed door and tried to ignore the faint discontent that made her want to open it again. Instead, she hid behind a shutter and watched the man she firmly believed she loved ride out of her life. The ferocity of the ache in her chest was now worse than it had ever been. She touched the window longingly as she watched him leave her life again. The window felt as cold and bereft as her life did now. It was heart breaking.

  ‘Are you all right, dear?’ Norma called from upstairs.

  ‘Yes. He has gone now,’ Sissy replied, forcing herself to turn away from the window and face the room.

  ‘I wonder why he came to see where we were?’ Norma asked when she joined her in the sitting room moments later. ‘You should have accepted his invitation. It isn’t right that we both remain at home.’

  ‘I want to stay here,’ Sissy replied firmly. ‘I have some sewing to do.’ As she settled into a chair beside the fireplace and took out her sewing, Sissy was painfully aware of her aunt watching her carefully. ‘Besides, you know as well as I do, we really don’t belong over there,’ she added conversationally. ‘It is what we discussed and agreed earlier, isn’t it?’

  It wasn’t really a question. Norma didn’t answer. Instead, she watched her for a moment or two before quietly retreating to the kitchen.

  When she was alone, Sissy tried to sew but slapped it onto her lap with a heavy sigh. Dropping it back into her bag, she picked up her book, flipped open the pages and tried to focus on the words. It was then that she remembered she had put a pot of water on to boil. But making tea didn’t take half as long as she needed it to. Even when she slowed her movements down, Sissy found herself resuming her seat in the sitting room far too soon.