Adoration Page 11

  ‘I am not going out there now to tell them that you are not my fiancé, that I have lied. I know this is the wrong way to do things, and believe me I really wish that Mariette hadn’t come along when she did, but we have known each other for what seems like our entire lives. We know each other well, Sissy. I know your background. I know where you grew up, what happened to your father, and where you have been living. I know you are well mannered, polite, and can hold your own with the dragons in the ballrooms, but if you choose not to socialise then I am more than happy to content myself with staying here and raising our family. The gossips and connections don’t matter to me. I thought they did. At one time in my life they did matter because they were my family’s associations and friends. But now I know that they are not important to the running of my estate. It doesn’t matter if most of them sever ties with me. At least I won’t be expected to hold any kind of social function in the future and feel duty bound to invite them.’

  She had no further energy to argue with him. Besides, she could hear the gentle murmurs of her aunt and Morgan’s mother heading toward them.

  ‘Let’s just spend some time together. You can come and visit, maybe dine again with your aunt. We can take walks around the garden. Just give us a chance,’ he pleaded softly.

  Sissy was prevented from answering by the arrival of Alicia and Norma. Morgan reluctantly stepped away from Sissy if only so he didn’t upset her anymore. He had no choice but to accept her silence as agreement. She didn’t outrightly tell him that she wouldn’t or didn’t want to. He could only take hope from that and pray that a little time together would assure her that people would gossip for a while but would eventually move on to other people’s news and activities. It would die down.

  ‘I was just telling Sissy that on occasions like Mariette faced just now a person can find out who their friends are,’ Morgan said. ‘It is quite telling that none of her supposed friends were prepared to accommodate her.’

  ‘I don’t know what has gotten into her,’ Alicia grumbled. She looked at Sissy. ‘Please accept my apologies for her rudeness. It was completely reprehensible.’

  ‘It is fine. I don’t know those people. I am just a little concerned about how much they are going to gossip about Morgan,’ Sissy whispered.

  ‘Well, people will tittle-tattle anyway sometimes. It is best to let them get on with it. They are the ones who will end up looking mean and spiteful,’ Norma enthused. ‘I don’t know about you, but I really do want to get out of this maze now. It is a dreadfully confusing place to be.’

  Sissy, in complete agreement, allowed her aunt to link arms with her and walked with her out of the maze. She wanted to look over her shoulder at Morgan but couldn’t bring herself to. It hurt just to look at him. His last words hovered over her, reminding her that before she left his house this evening she had a decision to make. As far as she was concerned, she had already made it. It was now a matter of getting her decision across to him because he didn’t seem inclined to want to accept it.

  They reached the house a half an hour later only to find Boris, the butler, searching for them.

  ‘We were lost, Boris. You may serve now,’ Alicia called to the butler before they had even reached the patio outside of the dining room.

  Boris nodded and disappeared leaving Sissy and Norma to be escorted inside by a stoically silent and somewhat distant Morgan and Alicia. The meal that followed was somewhat subdued. Conversation was desultory, but it was amiable rather than awkward. Even so, Sissy was glad that it was all over because throughout it all she struggled not to stare at Morgan. She knew that she had to do everything possible to make sure that evenings like this never happened again. From now on she really had to do everything she could to keep her distance from him as much as she was physically able to.

  ‘Thank you for a delightful evening,’ she murmured politely to Alicia when they were in the entrance hall. The large black carriage which had brought them to the house now stood waiting to return them home. Sissy was glad to see it but then not so glad at the same time.

  It is all so very confusing I am not sure what I should feel anymore. The only thing I do feel is love for Morgan. I cannot feel anything beyond that except a deep regret that my future is now ruined.

  ‘We are going to take a picnic tomorrow, just Alicia and I,’ Morgan said just as Norma and Sissy were about to step out of the house. ‘Would you care to join us? We are just going to the river. There is a wonderful spot that is perfect for the occasion, and quite sheltered.’

  Norma’s face broke into a delighted smile but it dimmed slightly when she saw Alicia’s astonished expression. ‘Well, if you are sure,’ she replied a little warily.

  ‘I wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t sure,’ Morgan assured her.

  ‘That would be wonderful.’ Norma looked at Sissy but she was too busy staring at Morgan to notice.

  ‘I will send the carriage for you about noon then,’ Morgan offered.

  It took Sissy a moment to realise that Morgan was holding his elbow out to her. With a sigh, Sissy placed her hand on his arm. As she did so her gaze slid up to meet his. A wealth of understanding flowed between them. Sissy knew that if she was going to reject his offer she had to do it now, but Alicia stepped forward and stopped her before she could.

  ‘Right, well, Hargreaves is waiting. Richards, drop the step if you would,’ Alicia called to the footman.

  Sissy was aware of Morgan’s gaze on her the entire time she walked to the carriage. Amidst a chorus of goodbyes, he stood beside her and waited for Norma to clamber aboard. When it was Sissy’s turn, he didn’t just hand her aboard, he pressed a kiss to the back of her hand as his gaze remained locked on hers. Hidden within the depths of his dark gaze lay a variety of promises and intrigues which made Sissy excited as much as worried.

  ‘Until tomorrow,’ he murmured quietly.

  Sissy felt her stomach flip. In those two words, Morgan had shaken her resolve so easily it was a little disconcerting. Later, she found that she couldn’t remember him handing her into the carriage or closing the door before stepping back to join his mother at the bottom of the stone steps. What she could remember was his gaze lingering on her until the turning of the carriage broke his steady regard. What it all meant she couldn’t be sure; she daren’t even contemplate, but she went to sleep with a smile on her face, and a heart full of hope once again.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  The following morning, Sissy left the house still content with her world. She was looking forward to spending the day with Morgan, and purposefully avoided all thoughts of whether it was the right thing to do. Swinging the basket in her hand, she hummed quietly to herself as she walked to the shops on the main street.

  It was only when she turned into the main thoroughfare that she realised something was wrong. At first, one or two curious looks from passers-by were too evident to be natural glances. She nodded but received greetings that were wary and awkward. She shrugged it off as nothing worrying, until she reached the grocery shop. The silence that fell upon the shop when she stepped inside was enough to make her glance at the door sign to make sure that it was open. But other customers were inside, waiting for Mr Marley to serve them. She looked at one or two she was familiar with. They smiled and nodded but with none of their previous joyous greetings. There seemed to be a wariness about them all.

  At first, the silence was heavy, but as time passed it was eventually interrupted by the quiet murmur of voices. It took a few moments for Sissy to realise that the whispers were about her. She sucked in a breath, squared her shoulders, and forced herself to ignore them.

  ‘They will stop,’ Maud Biggins whispered from behind her. ‘Nothing is forever, my dear. Remember that. Life is short, and temporary. Take what you can from it, do what you can no matter how many try to stop you because it is you who has to look back on your life and be content that you did your best, not anybody else. You are the one who has to reconcile yourself with the past and the mistakes or
wrong choices you made. Nobody should tell you whether what you choose to do is wrong or right. If you stay within the remit of the law, nobody can judge you. Those who do are not responsible, don’t have homes like you do, and have probably not lived their lives in the same way. Don’t let how others judge you mould your decisions. You only get one life. Live it.’

  Sissy stared at Norma’s friend whose sentiment was clear in Maud’s rheumy eyes. She truly meant every word she said. The more Sissy contemplated it the more she knew Maud was right. When she looked at the other occupants of the shop she saw them for the spiteful beings they were. Rather than be upset, or worried about their gossip, she stared at each person who turned to look at her. It was telling how swiftly their gazes were averted and they turned their backs. It was telling how few of them could actually meet her gaze. It was as if they knew what they were doing was wrong but the need to gossip was too tempting for them to resist.

  ‘You don’t want to worry what people like them say. You don’t need the opinions of people like that. They will be just as spiteful to someone else who does something like live their lives. When they are talking about you and criticising you they aren’t going about their own lives, are they?’ When Maud spoke, she did so more loudly than before.

  Several people coughed and shifted uncomfortably as the barbs struck home. Several collected their purchases and left the shop. When some turned to throw one last look at Sissy, she lifted a condemning brow in their direction, her face cold and hard. They weren’t friends anyway. It didn’t really matter what they thought of her.

  ‘Norma is going to be upset. She has known some of these people for a long time,’ Sissy whispered when most of the customers had left.

  ‘But you didn’t socialise with them when you were living in the manor house, did you? They gossiped about you then, but you survived,’ Maud argued. ‘Don’t let anything they say worry you. A lot of it is nothing more than speculation and suspicion.’

  ‘What are they saying?’ Sissy asked the grocer.

  Rather than answer, he slid a look at his wife. She looked uncomfortable but sighed. ‘They are just gossiping. You know what villages like this are like,’ she offered with a shrug.

  ‘Are they discussing the fact that Mr Lauder has sold the house to the lord? Or that we have been to view Farmer Martin’s cottage for rent?’ Sissy pressed. While she didn’t want to know she knew she had to find out because not knowing was going to worry her more.

  ‘They are discussing the fact that Morgan purchased the house, and that you were seen taking a walk with him the other day,’ Maud offered. ‘They then saw you and Norma leave in his carriage last night.’

  ‘But we went to dine with him and his mother,’ Sissy cried. ‘What does that have to do with anything? How could that be deemed wrong? I have known Morgan all of my life.’

  ‘Yes, but he isn’t in your social circles any longer, is he dear? I mean, I don’t want to sound presumptuous or anything, but you have had to leave that house of yours and live amongst us. He is high and mighty over at that huge estate. It doesn’t do to cross the boundaries, if you know what I am saying.’ The grocer’s wife busied herself tidying the counter between them.

  ‘They think I am his mistress, don’t they?’ Sissy gasped.

  ‘People will talk. I mean, he did have his hands on you and he was overly friendly, if you don’t mind my saying.’ There was such a pious look of virtuosity on the older woman’s face, Sissy felt nothing but annoyance at being judged and found wanting.

  ‘Like I have said, I have known Morgan all of my life. I am not responsible for my father dying and leaving us with nothing.’

  ‘Sissy.’

  Sissy ignored Maud, shrugged her hand off her arm and glared hard at the grocer’s wife who looked astonished at the boldness of Sissy’s statement. ‘How dare people judge me? For doing what? Taking a walk on a sunny day? I was upset at the spite of the gossips who were watching us, if you must know. If we had anything to hide, do you think we would be walking out in the open for the entire village to see? Besides, what does it matter if we are spending time together? There is nothing wrong with a formal courtship.’

  ‘But it is not a formal courtship, is it? I mean, a Lord of the manner marrying a pauper. I have never heard of such a thing,’ the grocer’s wife cried. ‘It is too ridiculous to even mention.’

  ‘You don’t know what you are talking about,’ Sissy growled. ‘Morgan is free to marry who he pleases.’

  ‘Oh, Morgan now is it? Not my Lord or anything, no. You are on first name terms then.’ The grocer’s wife raked her with a look that left Sissy in no doubt just how intimate she suspected her ‘terms’ were with Morgan.

  ‘Do you know something? You can keep your mind in the gutter as far as I am concerned. Think what you like. Whatever you call me, whatever you think of me, at least I don’t spend my days trying to besmirch people’s characters like you,’ Sissy snapped. ‘And I will get my groceries from someone else from now on, thank you.’

  With that, Sissy marched out of the shop and slammed the door behind her. She was so angry she wanted to cry, but instead turned toward the bakery. Without uttering a word to Maud, who fell into step beside her, Sissy crossed the road and marched into the fragrant shop owned by Mr Farley.

  ‘How are you this morning, Sissy, my dear?’ Mr Farley paused when he saw the look on Sissy’s face. He slid a wary look at Maud.

  ‘We will each have a loaf of bread please, Mr Farley,’ Maud murmured.

  Thankfully, there was nobody else in the shop. It gave Sissy a few moments hidden from view to compose herself.

  ‘I should have expected it. I knew what they were going to do when those women watched us the other day. All we did was take a walk. How could they be so spiteful or presumptuous?’

  ‘Well, you were wrapped in his arms, dear,’ Maud argued. ‘I don’t want to sound presumptuous and all that, but he was also seen coming out of your house the other day as well, at a time when Norma was at my house. People notice things like that in a place like this. Then you went to dine with him and his mother. Why, anybody would be inclined to think that there is a proper courtship going on.’

  She eyed Sissy almost challengingly, as if daring her to deny it. Sissy didn’t. Instead, she sighed heavily and tried not to feel too despondent. She focused on handing Mr Farley the money for her purchase and used the temporary distraction to try to adopt a banal expression nobody would be able to read. But when her gaze turned to Maud, she read the astuteness in the woman’s eyes. Maud knew exactly what had happened on the riverbank. In fact, the entire village knew, and now believed that she was Morgan’s mistress.

  God forbid they should ever meet with Mariette. At least she will have plenty of people to share her spite with.

  ‘Thank you,’ she murmured to Mr Farley before leaving the shop.

  Out on the pavement, she studied the quiet road. When she saw two young women hurrying along the opposite side of the road whispering to each other and looking her way, Sissy promptly turned her back on them. She tightened the ribbons on her bonnet and checked her reflection in the window.

  ‘What do you plan to do about groceries?’ Maud asked curiously.

  ‘I am going to have to go into Conley Bridge,’ Sissy sighed. ‘It means we cannot get anything until tomorrow, but we will get by.’

  ‘If you are sure,’ Maud replied. ‘It will all blow over in good time. Just wait until someone else does something nobody likes and then they will lose interest in you.’

  ‘Morgan came to tell me that he had purchased the house,’ Sissy explained, although why she felt the need to do so was beyond her. ‘I told him that Norma wasn’t there but by that time it was too late. He was already inside the house. I was upset at having to move to Farmer Martin’s cottage. It is in a state and would have been such a horrid place to live seeing as it is so far away from here. Now, I cannot help but wonder if it is not perfect for us.’

  ‘Don’t say
that,’ Maud reasoned. ‘If Morgan has purchased that house for you then you would be churlish to refuse to live in it, wouldn’t you?’

  ‘He hasn’t purchased that house for me,’ Sissy snapped. ‘We are renting it from him just like we used to rent it from Mr Lauder.’

  Maud nodded but didn’t answer.

  ‘We are,’ Sissy insisted.

  ‘Then I am sure Norma is relieved and delighted that you don’t have to move after all,’ Maud soothed. ‘Now, I must be on my way. Both of you must come and take tea with me the day after tomorrow. I will make us a cake.’ With a gentle pat of Sissy’s arm, Maud shuffled off home.

  Sissy watched her leave before she hurried toward her own home. She had just passed the grocery shop when the grocer stepped outside with a few packages in his arms.

  ‘I am sorry about that, my dear,’ he began without preamble. ‘I don’t know what has gotten into her of late.’

  Sissy eyed the man warily.

  ‘Here, take these. Conley Bridge is a long way away. It might be best if you try to keep your head down for a bit, eh? The gossips will lose interest.’ He dropped the packages into Sissy’s basket before she could even open her mouth to protest.

  ‘How much are they?’

  The grocer waved her away and slid a look at the shop doorway. ‘I put together your usual order. It is all there. We can settle up next time.’

  Sissy, having no more interest in going back into the shop than the grocer appeared to have, thanked him politely and took her leave of him. By the time she reached her front door again she was feeling sick and shaking like a leaf. She was aware of curtains twitching yet again. For the first time since Morgan had mentioned it, Sissy dreaded going on the picnic with him.

  ‘My dear, what on earth is wrong now? Why, you are pale as a ghost and shaking. Come on over here. Sit beside the fire and get warm. What on earth has happened?’ Norma cried when Sissy stepped through the door and dropped her basket onto the floor.